He-Man (heman) wrote,
He-Man
heman

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Visiting Day

Today was my day off. I had planned on going down to Eternian Comics and maybe picking up some new 7’’s. I had finished dressing and was making my lunch when there was a knock at the door.

I scooped up my laser pistol and tiptoed towards the door. Pressing myself up against the wall, I asked, “Quien es?”
“Hayley Mills,” came a familiar voice.

I threw open the door, “Beast-Man!” It was he. My furry chum laughed and I saw Orko and another gentleman over his shoulder.
“Come in, come in. I see you’ve brought a friend.”
“Oh,” said Orko with a backward glance, “this is just He-Ro. He’s a wuss.”

“Hi! I’m He-Ro, the most powerful man in the universe,” mumbled the blushing young man as he offered me he hand.
“He-Man here. Pleased to meet you, He-Ro. Most powerful man? That’s a lot to live up to.”
He-Ro blushed again and stared at his own golden boots.

“Never mind him, He-Man,” interrupted Beast-Man, “he’s just pissy ‘cause he screwed up his job and Mer-Man’s been kidnapped. What the hell are you wearing, anyway?”
“Gap jeans. Don’t you like them? What do you mean Mer-Man was kidnapped? This isn’t like the time Orko told him he was a crybaby and he hid in the cupboard for three days.”
“No, he’s kidnapped,” stated Orko firmly.

It was then that I took a quick glance at my kitchen and only just in time.
“Damn, my gorditas are burning!”
“Whoa!” sympathized He-Ro.
As I ran to try and salvage my lunch, I saw Beast-Man and Orko exchange glances and could sear I saw Beast-Man mouth the word “gay”.

As I went about my cooking, I asked them to fill me in on the details of Mer-Man’s abduction.

“Well, a glowing skeleton that calls himself Scare-Glow showed up, beat the crap outta He-Ro, and stole Mer-Man and the magic picture book we had just found.”
“Amazing. Anyone want some gorditas? They’re good!”

“No thanks. We need you to come save Mer-Man and murder Scare-Glow like in the old days,” said Orko, finally coming to the point.

I smiled sadly. “Well, I’m sorry to burst your bubbles, but I’m not a superhero anymore. I’ve got a job - I sell trendy clothes in a boutique. He-Ro seems to have the situation under control. He may be a bit green, but give him time.”

He-Ro obviously wanted to make a comment but Beast-Man cut him off.
“He-Doofus here couldn’t even take out Webstor, let alone this skeleton dude. He’s a Lame-R!”

“OMG!” exclaimed Orko. “Are you still listening to the Strokes?” he asked, pointing to a concert poster on my wall.
“Yeah, so?”
“So?!!! They just happen to be soooo six months ago!”
“Yeah,” agreed Beast-Man, “you should be listening to some Black Rebel Motorcycle Club!”
“Or The Vines,” Orko suggested swarmily.
“I like Shakira,” admitted He-Ro, shaking his hips in a manner that left his lifestyle choices open to question.

By now I was a tad annoyed and decided that I would be happier if my friends just left me to my books and my albums and my lunch.
“Look, guys, I can’t help you with Mer-Man. I’m not a superhero anymore. I just work at the Gap. I sell boot-cut jeans!”

“We know who you are, He-Man. Even if you’ve forgotten. Anyway, this belongs to you.” Beast-Man reached into his bag and pulled out my powersword.

As I held the blade in my hands they started heading for the door.
“We need an answer by tomorrow!” warned Orko.
“How will I reach you guys?” I demanded. “Where are you staying?”
“That’s for us to know and you to find out,” answered Beast-Man cheekily.

As the door closed behind them, I could hear He-Ro say, “I thought you told me he was a dick?”
I was alone again, but I had my powersword. I thought about sliding it out of the scabbard but I decided to wait. There would be more than enough time for that later. First I had to eat my gorditas...and think.
I accomplished both in silence.

I never took my eyes off the sword.
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