He-Man (heman) wrote,

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The Next Most Powerful Man In the Universe

"Come again?" inquired Beast-Man prettily.
"He-Ro," proclaimed the young man, though now with some doubt, "the most powerful man in the universe."

Mer-Man's eyes grew large. "But I thought He-Man was--"
Orko cut him off with an impatient gesture of his few-fingered hand. "The Prime Minister will remember that He-Man is no longer serving Eternia. Consequently, we decided to hire a new superhero. You were just looking at the file a moment ago."
Mer-Man began to rummage through his desk.
"It's the one with the Snorks," sighed Orko.
"Two-faced bitch," muttered Beast-Man under his breath. Orko blushed facelessly.
"Here it is!" cried Mer-Man in delight, happily scanning the Snork letterhead. "Hmm..." he pondered. "He-Ro, do you like Snorks?"
"Wow, pretty liberal! I guess if you're cutting some lines, I wouldn't mind one or two."
Mer-Man regarded him in stunned silence.

"So what makes you such a hero?"
"Well, Beast-Guy," answered He-Ro, "I did go to superhero training school."
"It's true," admitted Mer-Man, sliding a photograph of impish blond-haired children at play out from the Snork folder. Beast-Man snatched it from his hand.
"Looks like a Hitler Youth picnic."
He-Ro shrugged his shoulders expressively.
"How did you get to be the most powerful man in the universe anyway, Heinrich?"
"Yeah," chimed in Mer-Man eagerly, "do you powerpunch, kick ass or sell Sexual Chocolate?"
He-Ro propped his gold-plated boots up on the desk. "Well, I do a little martial arts, some small arms stuff, and magic."
"Oh, Magic: the Gathering?!" asked Orko.
"No, like this." He-Ro extended his hand towards Orko and whispered an ancient word of power. Suddenly, a bolt of flame burst from his fingertips and torched the top of Orko's hat.

As the little blue freak screamed in terror and tried to extinguish his chimney-like headwear, Beast-Man and Mer-Man looked on appreciatively.
"You're hired!"

Mer-Man got up and walked past the remains of Orko's smoldering hat. "Here is the unique powersword of He---"
Beast-Man coughed.
"--of He-Ro, the most powerful man in the universe."
He-Ro looked at the sword, still wrapped in its antique scabbard. "Actually, I don't really do the whole sword part of the sorcery thing. I've got a wand already." At this, he brandished a wand with a feathery tongue. "Swords are too old-school for me."
"Like Coolio."

"One last thing," finalized Mer-Man as He-Ro signed the at-will employment contract, "do you have a LiveJournal?"
"Um, no, but I have a uJournal."
To conceal their laughter, Beast-Man, Mer-Man and Orko pretended to be busily engaged in playing invisible kazoos.
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